What a wonderful thing, this blog.  When you need to tell "someone" you can literally tell the whole world.  Yet nobody logs on.  Nobody listens.  Nobody cares.  So your innermost fucked up fears are still safe.  I'm here because I'm desperate to tell someone how afraid and lonely I am.  To admit that the person who put me in this position is the one person I long for and miss so desperately.  How odd.  Today, I've had all the usual feelings.  Yet today I've also decided to blame myself.  Why, I'm not sure.  But, fucked up guy that I am, I'm not stupid.  Or am I?  How did this all happen when I didn't see it coming or know what was happening.  All I do see...is no end in sight.  I doubt I'll ever have the life that I've worked so hard for and wanted so desperately.  So I say to the Universe that seems to want to bend me over and make me squeal..."FUCK YOU.  FUCK YOU AND MOTHERFUCK YOU."